“I hope you can accept a wonderful truth: we are family. We are family. If we could get to believe this we would realise that to care about the other is not being altruistic. It is the best form of self-interest.” – Desmond Tutu

It is nearing that time, once again, when responsible citizens head to the polls to make a mark on history.

Yes, this is what responsible citizens do. Before I even go into the crux of my thoughts, I want to make that clear. Apathy is not responsible. Ignorance is not responsible. And, contrary to what many people believe, Abstinence from voting – for whatever reason –IS NOT RESPONSIBLE. I do not accept that a responsible citizen will glibly absent from picking a side because of a ‘lack of viable options’. That’s just not how democracy works. If you struggle to determine, based on a rational, logical and well thought out conclusion, that the policies and promises of no party tickle your fancy, not voting is not the responsible choice.

I would like to offer you an easy solution to your problem: vote for the party that best supports democracy. I’m not talking about policy, here; I am talking about proportionate representation. Vote for the party that is going to be the loudest mouthpiece against those in power that you feel are not living up to those promises. I do not have political affiliations and subscribe to no party, but I do value opposition and for those who are not sure about whom to give their power vote to, vote for opposition because that is a vote for a functional democracy.

However, today’s blog is not about voting, or even really about the elections. I have been having chats with quite a few people lately who wonder what the South African problem is. Sure, we can name the obvious: unemployment, racism, violent crime… the list truly, and sadly, is endless. But the real issue, the one that I think really goes to the heart of the matter, is why things are not getting better; why, in fact, they are getting worse. I have been struggling with this, and I know that many people have, too. We love South Africa, but there is very little that is convincing us to want to stay. We can’t seem to understand why people – politicians and civilians – are so self-interested and malicious.

While chatting to a friend a while back, I suggested that the solution to our problem as South Africa and South Africans is found in the structure and characteristics of a family. He disagreed, and so I thought that perhaps my ideas, while noble, were too naïve. But, I seem to have agreement with a wiser mind, as the above quotation suggest, so I am going to confidently submit my idea to you and hope that, like the great Desmond Tutu, you will be able to understand and accept what I offer you.

I think that we need to strive to be more like a family. Firstly, that does not mean that we are meant to get along. People who are so diversely different usually don’t. (Anyone who has organised a family event will know that there is no truth in that). And so, as a spinoff of that, we are never going to see the world the same way. We are going to prioritise different things, cherish different things and believe different things. There are always going to be some people that we just do not like: an uncle who hugs you too long; a cousin who dated your ex; an aunt who keeps asking you for money. But, at the end of the day, you’re family. Not because you share the same history, or values or agenda. But because you share the same blood. It goes that deep and that is all that matter.

I barely speak to my extended family (roughly every second Christmas) but I would kill anyone who would try to hurt them. And I might moan and complain about my uncle to my sister, but never to a stranger. Because their embarrassments reflect badly on me and when they succeed, I look good. Because we’re family. Maybe it sounds too simple, but I think that maybe that’s the solution. Let’s stop trying to get along and like each other and all believe in the same things. Because that’s not really the stuff that’s really important. Once we get the fundamental – that no matter how different we are, we can’t separate ourselves from each other – then we’ll stop seeing the difference and just start seeing the FAMILY.

I may never speak to my uncle, but I would never deny him bread. You see, once we get rid of this need to be more than we really are, then we can start being what we already are: different people born into one family. That’s when everything else will fall into place. Because who would want to steal from their family? Who would want to rape and murder their blood? And if, and when, it happens, who wouldn’t be surprised? Because you do not do those things to your family.

Perhaps that explains why sport can bring a nation together the way that it does. Because we find a commonness in sport; a common aim and dream that surpasses the many differences we have between us. Because when John Smit holds that cup in the air, we’ve all won. All of us. We are all a part of that victory. If only we could learn to transfer that victory back into everyday life. Which, in essence, is what LeadSA is all about. Find the part of you that sees yourself in someone else. As Desmond Tutu says, looking after each other really is all about self-preservation.

"The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones." - Mark Antony in Julius Caesar